Blake and I leave for Colorado in an hour. (It's 3am) I have been awake since 1:30am after four hours of restless sleep. For some reason I am really struggling with leaving Gracie this time. Is it possible that my love for her is stronger than last time we went away? Is it because I know that she will notice we are gone? I know Gracie is in great hands and will have a great time while we are gone. However, I think she will miss us a little.
My greatest fear is that we won't see each other again.
It is what kept me up all night. I had a dream that our plane was hijacked. Then I realized all the things that I haven't prepared for. We don't have life insurance. I have a little I think but not enough. It is something we start to do but never finish. We get too busy. This should be a priority.
We also don't have a will. I don't know who should make our will. The main reason I haven't done a will is because I don't know how to decide who cares for my daughter if I can't. How do you decide something like this?
I think that the greatest importance is for her to be with someone who has a little bit of Blake and me in them. I want her to have a life close to what we would provide her. Siblings, dogs, a swing set, good schools, precious outfits, and lots of hugs and laughter. I also want her to see all her grandparents and great grandparents as much as possible. She loves to go stay a week or weekend. That means, she can't live too far away.
Once I make a will and assign a caretaker, I am giving someone else the authority to make decisions for her when I am gone. Being a complete control freak- this frightens me. it could be the longest and most Type-A will ever written.
I better get ready for this flight. Say a little prayer for me. Although, no one will read this before our 6am flight....
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