Gracie loves to eat apples like a "big girl." She will ask me to wash two apples and sit on the couch with her while we both chomp down on some Red Delicious. I love to watch her learn to do new things- even eating an apple. I told her that she is the "apple of my eye." That got me to thinking.... what does that mean exactly?
Wikipedia defines this phrase as "Someone who one loves above any other." Too often this is the case with Gracie. I look at her in complete amazement. The things she has learned over the last 3.5 years is astonishing. Blake and I too often put our relationship with Gracie above our relationship with each other. Even worse, before our relationship with Christ.
I told Blake this morning how conflicted and anxious I am about Levi's arrival. I want to cherish Gracie's last weeks as an only child. I worry that I cannot juggle the attention of 2 young children and 1 sweet husband. I worry that I won't be able to love another child as much as I love this one. I worry that Gracie will resent me for adding another baby.
I believe this is all the work of the enemy. Of course, Gracie will have plenty of special moments regardless of how many brothers and sisters she has. Of course, I will love this child as much as any other! Of course, I am capable of great love. And Gracie is so excited about Levi that she will be the best Big Sister since 1982 when I became one!
"Apple of my eye"
I found this phrase in the Bible.
He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.
Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings
in Proverbs 7:2
Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.
Lamentations 2: 18
Their heart cried unto the Lord, O wall of the daughter of Zion, let tears run down like a river day and night: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease.
For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye.
God loves all his children. We are all "the apple of his eye" And I can keep this straight in my head. When things get tough, I need simply to run into the arms of my Savior for strength and reassurance. I will pray that He shows me how he sees me. Then I will rest comfortably in His lavish love and turn away thoughts of inadequacy. Just as sweet Gracie does when she has a tough day, she runs into the arms of her mommy or daddy and rests securely in our love. And perhaps asks for an apple.